Opiates Go Deep!

As I used to say about the major difference between users and non-users; Addicts all have their reasons for using, making their millions of different potential reasons to use. There is only one reason, however, for why a person doesn’t use drugs. That one reason being, they don’t have to. There is no need for a non-user to use, henceforth why they don’t. A user takes drugs because they feel they have a reason to. Now, here’s where we find why not all people who have experienced trauma are addicts, just as all addicts are not people who have experienced trauma.

When a person struggling with addiction to opiates decides or desires to initiate the process of recovery, they must understand just how deep they will be required to go into their psyche, their emotions, their perspectives and understandings of the world. Will power is necessary, but not nearly enough in itself to overcome opiate addiction. A complete reassessment of their entire life up until the present moment is required. A direct, honest, and sincere interrogation of themselves and all that has contributed to the addiction manifesting in their life. Many things have been suppressed and corroded by the drug abuse, and therefore removing oneself from the toxic haziness of the drug’s presence is required to investigate one’s inner being. The impact that clarity can have on an addict during the process of taking an inventory of themselves through reflection is truly unattainable by any other means. This is why methadone treatment is so successful, as the addict is given sufficient time through medicated stability to sift through the rubble of the wreckage that is their life. If one does not approach recovery from a holistic point of view, they will inevitably fail in obtaining sobriety, as they must not only discontinue use of the drug that clouded their mind and left them vulnerable to withdrawal, but also manage the emotional distress, past traumas, and throughout all of this, rediscover the beauty of life.

-Primary dynamic of an individual’s ‘reason’ for addiction is what ‘type of void’ the drug abuse is attempting to fill in or bridge across. The drug takes the addict from their state of unhappiness to fulfilment by catapulting their internal mood straight over the issues that separate them from being happy and content naturally without the drug.

-How the person is effected while facing challenges presented by abstinence or tapering.

-While quitting their addiction, what the addict justifies as ‘reasons for using’ reveals helpful hints and information to the core problem(s) that they are experiencing underneath the addiction itself.

-Finding ways to fill ‘the void’ without the drug abuse requires honest evaluation of past traumas, experiences, personal issues, etc.

-A separate void opens in the life of the addict upon successfully removing drug-using behavior from their daily routine, where before much time and energy was dedicated to using and obtaining drugs, the new void of time should be utilized in recovery-related activities and abstinence from the people, places, and triggers for addictive behavior to resume.

A person that is addicted to drugs has ‘surface reasons’ and ‘core reasons’ for continued use of the drug, despite continued loss and suffering in their life. Stripping away the surface reasons will help reveal the core reasons. Upon revealing the core reasons, they can address the real issues that feed their need to continue the addiction, and therefore give insight to how they shall form a path to quitting. Because opiate addiction goes so deep, the addict must acquire a deeper understanding of themselves. Developing a method of ‘collecting data’ on oneself is tool of immense potential benefit. In the following paragraphs, I describe how to create a chart that can be filled with information that can be analyzed and reflected upon later.

-For ‘rooting the reasons’ out of a person, they must collect data on themselves regarding their addictive behavior. And they must collect this data over a span of time. I devised a way to keep a record of one’s addiction as they work to taper down their intake of drugs.

-As one tapers down their heroin intake, they will keep a chart of record to collect the necessary data. By making a mark by the different times they use each day and by writing the reason for using the drug next to each corresponding time, a clear record of behavior is made. After a week or two, or even a month, one can reflect on the data to have revealed to them either progress or failure.

-This practice will increase self-understanding. Determining deep-rooted reasons for using the drugs in the first place can be achieved by viewing the chart to see patterns in behavior or recorded reasons for using and illegitimate justifications for using.

-Another benefit to having a record of your progress is to see the frequency and reasoning for using, enabling them to gauge success vs. failure.

-The addict will find it harder to justify and fool themselves (and others) of the truth. The log is indisputable in the data it reflects. (As addicts are masters of lying and deceiving, especially of themselves, the log is a manifestation in reality that cannot be ignored or disregarded)

-The presence of physical manifestations regarding sobriety and recovery help to constantly reaffirm the intention of quitting.

-Being able to go to the places and times of using in their minds later, making direct accessibility to the past easier. No more ‘last week I did good’ without having the proof.

-The chart enables calculated changes to be made accurately and productively based on the information being recorded. Exhausting the same reason for using day in and day out will reveal to the addict the difference between their ‘surface reasons’, which usually become go-to excuses, and the ‘core reasons’ for their using, which hold the key to their quitting by fixing these deeper problems.

…Now moving on from the ‘chart idea’…

SONY DSC

When a user first experiences the high of opiates, they quickly discover the numbing effect it can have over deep-rooted emotional dis-ease. The more dis-ease a person has within, the stronger the relief will be upon getting high. This is where the concern for any past ‘trauma’ in one’s life comes into play, as those who have experienced deeper traumas have a stronger susceptibility to ‘needing’ the drug to feel good after having used it. When a person with underlying emotional issues tries heroin for the first time, they quickly discover just how prevalent the suffering in their life up to this point has truly become, and they suddenly realize the use of drugs helps them cope with the negative effects of said trauma by not only easing the pain, but empowering them to be the person they once were before the traumatic experience occurred. Heroin and other powerful opiates, I feel, are far more dynamic and difficult to understand from the outside looking in. It is more than a physical high, it is more than a mental high, it is a full-on spiritual high. A complete transformation of the inner spirit of the person consuming the drug. I can’t help but think to how the brain literally undergoes physiological changes upon the drugs continued and increased presence. (see my article on ‘How Heroin is Different’) But to give an exemplary summary of how deep heroin goes: Opiates are the only substance with the ability to trigger adaptive mutations in the brain itself, thus causing physical dependence on the drug to be present, as well as a psychological dependence. All other substances merely cause a psychological dependence.

I’ll share one of my personal experiences to further portray how deeply the ‘spirit of heroin’ can go into the soul of an individual.

I had just finished 15 brutal days and nights of detox. I was at my mother’s home, sitting in the kitchen. I had only slept 15 hours or so in the last three days, having not slept at all for the first 12 days and nights of withdrawal. So being slightly more comfortable than I was, I was ready to attempt eating breakfast, as I couldn’t hold any food or drink for this amount of time either. As I sat there, talking with my family members present, I started to shiver every time I or anyone else mentioned the word ‘heroin’. It was a powerful shiver, like a cold chill combined with a repulsive reaction to something dangerously close to burning you or something. We all began to notice, and so we started saying the word over and over to discover I was literally convulsing with shivers! I started to laugh uncontrollably, as it felt good! My back even cracked! I told my mom, “Wow! I feel like demons are shooting out of my body! Straight out the top of my head, shooting up my spine!” I was literally experiencing some sort of exorcism or something! And from that morning forward, I could eat, sleep, and drink again. I was up every morning at 5 am, ready to enjoy breakfast and the company of others, and was completely disgusted at the thought of using heroin. I was no longer craving, struggling, and in fact would cry over the simplest of things, including the first bag of chips I ate! My tongue burst into salivating sensations I cannot explain! The taste was amazing! Clouds in the sky, a song on the radio, a commercial on TV, it was all just so beautiful! Ever since that 15^th day, I had a whole new appreciation for life, and never wanted to violate my chances of living in it ever again. I had not only been given a second chance at a good life, but was rediscovering all the incredible things that I had been so numb too for far too long. By overcoming my addiction to heroin, something I had not thought possible became reality. That being the chance for me to live a meaningful life had come into manifestation as I could have never imagined.

 

Here to Help will be looking at ‘when to quit’ next time. Is there a proper way to identify ‘the best time to quit’ for an addict? Are certain times better than others? Is it possible to successfully quit an addiction to powerful opiates when the addict themselves is not initiating the recovery? We will look at the differences between an addict being pressured to quit by external forces (family intervention, lack of money, loss of possessions or relationships, children, inaccessibility to the drugs, etc.), and internal forces (a personal desire to quit, the addict has ‘had their fill’). Only when there is nothing left to lose and no high left to gain do many addicts choose to quit on their own, for their own. Hopefully, by discussing and working out this topic, we can help addicts before it’s too late.

How Hurting Helps; Detox’s Benefits

A NEW FOUND POWER

With the various methods, techniques, procedures, processes, step by step plans, etc. to ending one’s addiction, how do we know which way is best? Is there a better path for some as opposed to others? As alcohol or drug addiction is such a unique experience for each individual, it seems to me that there is no ‘cookie cutter’ method of successfully achieving long-term sobriety for all who participate in said method of treatment. I have found that the most efficient way of getting a person clean, is by developing a sort of program that fits that person’s specific and unique needs. Some addicts get help, some do it on their own, some take medications, some don’t, some utilize various therapies, and some don’t. There seem to be different ways of reaching the same destination.

Now, my personal experiences and belief lead me to understand that bypassing the detox experience is something desired by all, but many fail to avoid this experience. All addicts that actually face this dreaded experience, without dodging or being bailed out of the event, discover immense benefit from having done it. Actually going through the entire unfoldment of the detox process and reaching the other end by overcoming it, rather than suppressing it or medicating it away, or simply avoiding it altogether, will yield unmatched rewards of appreciation, gratitude, understanding, and humbleness… The empowerment bestowed on anyone conquering detox is indescribable and wholly motivating. When I look at the many times I got clean only to relapse later on, each of these times I had somehow weaseled my way around facing the endurance of detoxification. I always opted to get on medications, I always took the ‘easy road’ so-to-speak. And I am not saying that certain methods of getting sober are not hard, for no matter what way an addict takes to get clean, they will encounter incredible hardship. Getting sober from powerful opiates like heroin and morphine, OxyContin, and methadone is insanely difficult. But I want to share my opinion, based on my experiences, that going through a period of detox, whether under supervision or alone, is far more beneficial and empowering for the addict to get sober and stay sober, than if they were to never experience the painful, traumatic, and –most importantly– purifying experience of detoxification.

Let me explain myself. I have gotten clean several different times. I was a pill popper for a couple of years, then began snorting them, then began a heroin addiction that lasted nearly 8 years. Each time I would get off the dope through medication, (Suboxone, methadone, etc.) I never really had a ‘break’ in my drug use. I would just go from one thing to the other. I was always transitioned from my addiction to the stability and comfort of a medicated ‘safety net’. Withdrawal from opiates and total detoxification is like a child learning about hot surfaces and heat. When the child burns their hand on the stove, or grill, or curling iron, etc. they learn very quickly never to do it again, as well as learn how to perceive other such sources of heat that may threaten them. By dodging the withdrawal and detox between addiction and recovery/sobriety, the addict misses out on an incredible and powerful opportunity to learn from their mistakes.

The last and final time that I would get clean would be for keeps. A little over two years ago, I decided to get clean and stay clean. No more was I willing to keep feeding my impossible to satisfy addiction to heroin. I was at a point in my addiction where I was literally done. The high wasn’t worth it anymore. I was totally fed up with myself and the drug and everything my life had become. But I was nervous about getting clean, as I had seemingly tried everything already, only to relapse sometime later. I had ‘dried out’ (withdrawal for days until they stop and try to go on being sober without any meds) before, but never longer than a week or 10 days. I would always go back to my life of addiction less than two weeks’ time after withdrawing from the heroin, only to find myself picking right back up where I left off. This final time, I was going to do something different.

Because I had experienced incalculable amounts of withdrawal already in my life, I wanted to get clean without prolonging the situation with Suboxone or methadone. I wanted to full-on detox and change everything about my life. I wanted to nearly die from the flames of purification that torture and ultimately set the addict free. I moved away from my apartment and the town I was using drugs in. I left my place of employment. I tapered my heroin intake for two months prior to my detox. I figured that detoxing from a $30 a day habit would be easier than detoxing straight from a $300 a day habit. So after some time, I was ready to make my move, as I had everything in order for me to stay with my father and detox under my family’s supervision and the plan was to figure out some new lifestyle for myself when it was all over.

Based on research and communication between myself and other addicts, I estimated that my withdrawals (the intolerable phase, anyway) would last anywhere from two weeks to a month. I can look back and honestly say that I wasn’t completely ‘normal’ for several months. The idea of such a long time in hell was scary to me, as I was afraid at how intense it would get and a full month of no sleeping, eating, or simple ability to relax in any way seemed unbearable. Unconquerable. But I was determined. I was in war mode. I was ready to take no prisoners and face death itself for my sobriety. My detox surely couldn’t be worse than the constant struggle of the last 8 years of my addiction…could it?

Let me tell you, that detox session lasted -the physical agony, anyway- about 15 entire days. I didn’t sleep for the first 12 days! And after that, was only able to get about 4 hours a day/night. I was not stable, or in a state of ‘normalcy’ for just over a full three month’s time. I won’t waste space and time with any in-depth descriptive narratives about the embarrassing or disgusting details of my suffering, but I’ll say that it was the hardest and toughest and most merciless and unforgiving experience I have ever endured- or hope to ever endure- in my entire existence on this planet! I cannot communicate accurately the intensity and the pain. Pain isn’t even an appropriate term for what I felt. But what I am getting at with all of this, is that when one is ready to get clean and quit their enslavement to heroin or other powerful opiates, I recommend facing detoxification without the aid of medications, rather than getting on some sort of replacement.

Facing detox head-on is a faster trip to complete sobriety, as you will go from addict to sober person in less than a month. Getting on a medicine like methadone or Suboxone, you will only be replacing the opiates with some other thing by which you are dependent on for each day of your life to go smoothly. Detoxing and being done with it is much quicker. Now, I am not bashing methadone or Suboxone, for I am on methadone right now! After my detox, I had a relapse, despite the incredible transformation within me that took place during and after the detoxification. I recommend methadone over Suboxone any day, but it’s not that a raw encounter with detox is a guarantee for long-term sobriety, but it is rather a catalyzing experience by which you are shown the true nature and reality of your misfortunate situation as an addict. Without the hardcore, eye-opening experience of detox, I would not be where I am in life today. (I personally believe in methadone and Suboxone as God-given gifts to those in need, although I am stating the benefits of going through the experience of detoxification prior to getting on such medications. I got on methadone several months after my detox because I couldn’t manage the cravings and relapsed several times, so I do acknowledge that many addicts require a medication to stabilize their life and establish themselves in way conducive to complete independence from medication later down the road.)

Though I did relapse, and I am still on methadone, I found that just because I had the will power to quit and stay clean, didn’t mean I had the ability. Addiction is powerful. Addiction takes hold deep inside you. Addiction lingers in the very building blocks of who you are as a person, and can bubble back up to the surface at any time, after any duration of being clean. This was a harsh and unexpected reality for me. I never thought I would use again after going through what I did, but I was wrong! I found myself some months after my detox, unable to cope with the pressures of rebuilding my life sober. I did not possess the proper tools, I did not have a sufficient support system, and I had no positive reinforcement for staying sober. Will power is a necessary ingredient in recovery, but is not sufficient in and of itself to achieve long-term sobriety and maintain it indefinitely. I ended up getting myself on methadone, as I could obviously not stay sober without some kind of assistance.

The methadone has allowed me to fix the root issues with my life and my inability to stay sober while suppressing the detrimental obstructions caused by cravings and unmanaged triggers for using. By stabilizing me in a sustained state of clear-headedness, and by eliminating the cravings and possibility of using altogether, I can now focus on the contributing factors to relapsing and my addiction, while also obtaining the necessary tools and support that I need to get sober and stay sober.

Now, back to why detoxing is important. Detox is an experience of anguish. Anguish does not exclusively mean physical pain. Anguish can be emotional, physical, psychological, empathetical, spiritual, etc. Rather than see it as a physical suffering (which during detox, physicality is surely a large part of the anguish), view anguish as the complete destruction or the breaking down of your current state of being. For the addict, this means the tearing down of your addictive personality, your compulsive behavior, the horrible memories and emotions lingering within you, and the very addictive nature that drives your every thought, mood, and decision.

For anything to rebuilt, or be improved on, a complete destruction of the pre-existing structure must occur prior to rebuilding a new one. The first priority of creating a new structure is to lay a solid foundation after the old one has been cleared away. After detox has subsided, the opportunity to lay your new foundation becomes available as the old constructs of your life of addiction are no longer standing in the way. Now you have an opportunity to lay a solid foundation conducive to your recovery and a sober lifestyle. Like the phoenix which rises from the ashes, the transformation by which detox and recovery initiates in you, is the chance for you to use your wisdom, experience, and strength from the years of struggling with addiction to build your new life.

The foundation by which you build your new life upon, is your mentality, your state of mind, your perspective. The purifying transformation of drying out (withdrawing) is unrivaled in its ability to renew and empower the addicted individual to no longer want drugs. That anguish you experience while detoxing is the building block, the blessing, and necessary catalyst for change in your life. Addiction creeps, slithers, and oozes its way so deeply into the porous core of one’s soul, that an agonizing detoxification is the only way to penetrate deep enough. It is the only thing strong enough to penetrate the layers of the addiction’s powerful influence on you. After the anguish subsides and you are able to feel again; to see, to hear, and to understand again with a clear mind, you will thank God for blessing you with this second chance at a meaningful life. By seeing your addiction as a demonic entity in need of being purged from within you, realize that you must starve the addiction, the parasitic entity that has taken you captive, and starve it to the point where it must leave in search of another host. It will be miserable for you in the sort-term, but priceless and permanently upgrading to your ability to live without the parasites of drug abuse for the rest of your life.

For sobriety to be achieved in the addict’s life, there must be present an intense or strong passion for life. A passion for sobriety and an able-ness to help others struggling. All true passion is born out of anguish. At the point when the anguish becomes unbearable and you submit your very will to go on living to the pain, crying out to God to end it all…this is the kind of moment when lifelong decisions for change are made. This is when you realize that God doesn’t want you to die. You don’t want you to die; You want to live! And you want to live without this anguish. The only reason you considered not wanting to live is because of the presence of your addiction in your reality. And the only way to ever make such a life possible, a life without the pollution of drug abuse and dependence, is by living sober. One’s passion to quit must be equal to the task at hand.

Without sufficient anguish, one will never know true joy. They will never know true comfort. They will never be truly content…The anguish you feel during that detoxification is the fire of purification! By abandoning or avoiding or preventing the anguish from rendering itself upon you, you deny the purification process necessary for you to achieve joy. Without a submission, and without an enduring of the flames of purification, you will not discover your passion. Without going through the hell of detox, you will only prolong your suffering. That is why I believe that detox is an important and beneficial step to experience in one’s recovery. Without the memory, the scars, the knowledge of such an experience, the addict has no reason to ever quit. They are simply brainwashed by the drugs, and not perceiving reality as it truly is. The stripping down of the person’s very being to the very core is what allows for that inner spirit, that person deep inside who’s been tied up and overthrown by the drugs now in the driver’s seat, that forgotten inner spirit can finally break free of the chains that bind him/her and take back control of the body…

Again, I will say that medications like methadone or Suboxone are very beneficial and God bless those who have found success in sobriety and life through utilizing them. I myself have. But I honestly feel that a full-on detoxification from the opiates themselves, whether as a final solution to addiction or as a precursor to medication-related treatment, is an irreplaceable contribution to obtaining a new perspective, a new sense of self, a new appreciation for the miracle of life, and a being fulfilled by a sober lifestyle. Whether one relapses down the road or not, it is still an experience so profound and so life-changing, that the benefits are never unrecognized.

Thank you for reading, as I know this was a long one. 😉

 

Sooo…Now what?

You’ve made the choice. You got the help. You made it through detox, you’ve gotten into treatment, and you may even have a substantial amount of clean time under your belt…But now what? If you’re anything like me, this part of recovery is surprisingly tough! For many addicts, successfully leaving addiction behind often requires abandoning everything. Everything from employment, friendships and relationships to vehicles, apartments or houses, possessions, and more. Throughout the time leading up to these kinds of transitions, many addicts have found themselves in a position where they can’t quite go back to the employment or living situations they had previously abandoned while escaping their addiction. Burning bridges is something I myself had to do in order to successfully discharge myself from the environments and relationships established while addicted. Of course not all addicts find this the case, but for those of us who have, cutting oneself from the myriad loose ends can only be done by ‘burning the bridges’. For those who have had smoother transitions, other types of stagnation can occur in the epic adventure of recovery.

It seems like after getting clean and establishing a somewhat normal lifestyle, I’ve reached a point where continuing to move forward has become a struggle. I have gone stagnant. That plateau many of us find ourselves on when the momentum from the initial transition and overcoming of our addiction has dwindled too near nothing. Whether it’s time to get working again, getting your driver’s license back, getting your own place to live, or a vehicle, legal issues resolved, kids, etc., we are experiencing major speed bumps in our progress to independence. It seems like those of us with pending matters causing strain on our recovery are confronted with a test; A test to see whether we can stay on track or not. Abstinence from drug use has gotten easier up unto this point, but now it’s starting to get harder.

More than once have I gotten clean, only to relapse several months later. I wasn’t struggling with the urge to use or cravings, but came up against situations, pressures, and stresses which caused temptations and doubts to loom overhead. Reaching that point in our recovery when it is time to get back out there in the world and stand on our own two feet again is a common circumstance that causes many to relapse. It’s hard enough to get oneself established in the world, only more difficult is it when we must do so without our ‘go-to security blankets’ (drugs). Facing the hectic world without the drugs to prop us up when we are weak or unable to cope never seems like it will be a challenge, until it is. When things are good, things are good, and the recovering addict- up ‘til this point- hasn’t had to worry or prepare them self for any sudden upheaval in their progress to present unquenchable cravings from unforeseen dilemmas that may ultimately revert us back to using.

When recovering and stabilizing into sobriety, one is required to be so entirely focused on the immediate, every day challenges, that to ponder the potential threats to the re-establishing of one’s independence in the world later on down the road is unapparent. But when one reaches that point in time, it can become not just a roadblock, but for many of us, is more like a brick wall. Putting a halt to our advancement and testing our will in our new state of mind. Relapse is something the addict in recovery can never underestimate and should always be aware of. It can be all too easy to be blinded with confidence or even reach a point of arrogance.

The pressures referred to above like getting a job or clearing up legal debts, etc. are not only frustrating, but typically challenge us on a level completely unexpected. For me personally, my recovery has been a successful endeavor so far, but now I am at a crossroads. Going about getting a job has been full of tough choices. I am sustaining myself by tattooing, but I no longer wish to continue pursuing the career I had already invested 11 years of my life into, and certainly don’t want to lock myself into some minimum wage day job. Customer service isn’t something I enjoy; in fact, it is something I despise. I don’t want to think that I am somehow simply making excuses for myself, but I don’t want to waste one more second of my life working toward something I don’t believe in. I feel that I have so much more to offer the world and would be much happier doing something I love. I would love to sustain an independent living from writing, though this is a field one must invest much time into achieving. Of course I realize that this is reality, and therefore I can’t always have my way and will have to submit to working a typical job to earn some kind of income.

In a perfect world, I would continue to live in the spare room at my mother’s house and write ‘til my hands crumble apart, but I cannot allow my family to support me forever, nor do I feel good about relying on other people for my own well-being. I take much pride in being an independent person and wish to help others. When I am the one being helped, I cannot help but feel like I am somehow a burden or am somehow not a respectable person while relying on others. I am capable of establishing my goals, but I suppose my passionate will to do exactly what I want to do is proving an obstacle. Sacrifice and compromise are two such things that I simply have run out of. My entire addiction was nothing but one sacrifice after another, compromising everything from my moral foundations and reputation, all the way to my abilities to maintaining stable relationships and being a respectable, reliable person, never mind the material and physical losses.

From the standpoint of my recovery being my ultimate priority, I was always glad to not have a car or extra money. I liked being unable to indulge my free will, as I knew that with an income and transportation, nothing would stop me from relapsing if I so chose to. The more barriers in my way to screwing up, the better. But now I well beyond the point of being unable to trust myself. I am not a slave to craving or temptation like I once was, and as not having a car or income was once a beneficial aspect of successful recovery for me, it is now proving to be a hindrance. Being further along in my recovery, I not only have more time living with a clear focus and state of mind, but also have acquired many more tools to dismantle stresses, negative emotions, cravings, etc.

My desire to help others and utilize the wisdom I have acquired from my immense and brutal experience with drug addiction and substance abuse leads me to contemplate working in the field of drug rehabilitation and recovery, though I am struggling to initiate such activity. By wanting a specific future, I am basically limiting myself. I find myself in a corner where the only satisfactory solution is to somehow immediately earn an income from doing what I absolutely love, all without settling for anything less, including a temporary job to earn an income.

Like many people who successfully overcome a powerful drug addiction, helping addicts still struggling and people fresh into recovery, as well as anybody in the world of drug addiction in general, is what I feel compelled to do. I desire to help those in need, and feel as though I have a lot of potentially beneficial insight to do so. I know that when I was ready to quit heroin, I didn’t know what to do to make that happen. Like many others, I had to learn the hard way that there aren’t many things one can do. And not only are options limited, but the few options available are confusing and sometimes so overcrowded with others already receiving the assistance that immediate treatment isn’t available. Ridiculous waiting lists pose a terrible obstacle in receiving treatment when the addict is open and willing to receive it. A small window of opportunity presents itself when an addict is ready and willing to get help, and when that help isn’t primed and ready to happen within that small window of opportunity, successful implementation of rehabilitation is a dim possibility.

I guess when it comes to pulling ourselves out of the ditch, having broken down on the side of recovery road, we cannot limit ourselves with preferences and excuses. We must remember that no length of time being clean is somehow going to make the stress tests of remaining sober dissipate from our experiences.

There is always going to be that next mountain to climb, and just because you may have reached the summit of one mountain, and just because it was so hard you nearly didn’t survive the journey, doesn’t mean you are invincible or granted a magical Fastlane to success in your further endeavors. As hard as we worked to get sober in the first place, is how hard we must continue to work to remain sober! I think that by reminding ourselves of all we have already accomplished, nothing standing in our way now will appear quite as impossible as it may seem.

 

The Importance of Spirituality

Are you a spiritual person? If so, how does your spirituality aid you in your navigation through everyday life? If you are not spiritual, why so? Many of us who are not spiritually inclined often think of spiritual people as hippies on LSD preaching on behalf of mother earth, or being part of a cult, a religious sect, or one of any particular communities with unique doctrines and strict adherence to a particular philosophy. I want to specify that spirituality is not religion. It can be, but it is not limited to such practice or ideology.

I had always considered myself a very spiritual person, but never identified with any religious denomination or philosophy. I had an unquenchable thirst for insight and research (as well as heroin) into anything that could further my understanding of this life, my purpose, my body, and the world within which we are living.

Spirituality is defined as ‘pertaining to spiritual matters’, whereas things like religion would be ‘spiritualism’. There is no single, widely agreed upon definition of spirituality, but rather a broad range of definitions with very limited similitude throughout. Over the course of history, the meaning of the word developed through various contexts. Words translatable as ‘spirituality’ first began to arise in the 5^th century and only entered into common use toward the end of the Middle Ages. In a biblical context, the term means ‘being animated by God; to be driven by the Holy Spirit’, as opposed to a life which rejects this influence. In the 11^th century, this meaning changed and began to denote the ‘mental aspect of life’, as opposed to the material and sensual aspects of life. In the 13^th century ‘spirituality’ acquired both a social and psychological meaning. Socially it denoted the territory of the clergy, while psychologically it denoted the realm of the inner life; “the purity of motives, affections, intentions, inner dispositions, the psychology of the spiritual life, the analysis of the feelings”. In the 17^th and 18^th century, a distinction was made between higher and lower forms. (Ex: A spiritual man is one who is Christian, ‘more abundantly and deeper than others.’) The word also associated with mysticism and quietism, and acquired a negative meaning.

According to Waaijman, the traditional meaning of spirituality is a process of re-formation which aims to recover the original shape of man, the image of God. To accomplish this, the re-formation is oriented at a mold, which represents the original shape; in Judaism the Torah, in Christianity is Christ, in Buddhism, Buddha, and in Islam, Muhammad. In modern times, the emphasis is on the subjective experience. It may denote almost any kind of meaningful activity or blissful experience. It still denotes a process of transformation, but in a context separate from organized religious institutions; ‘Spiritual, but not religious’.

Scholars today suggest that modern spirituality is a blend of humanistic psychology, mystical and esoteric traditions, and eastern religions. Waaijman also points out that spirituality is only one term of a range of words which denote the praxis of spirituality.

Over the course of my transitional journey from a decade of constant heroin abuse to now having two years of sobriety under my suspenders, I have found my sense of spirituality to have been of profound contribution to my continued success in abstaining from drug use. By directly addressing the matter and taking action toward cultivating our spirituality, we can better understand ourselves, our world, and how we are affected by things of this world. Whether you believe in God or not does not matter, for everything in this world is a material manifestation of spiritual origin.

• Detox: the guaranteed experience for dissolving all barriers and stripping a person down completely, allowing for a complete reconstruction of themselves
• While in the deepest threshes of detoxification and suffering, discovering strength in a spiritual force, a higher self, becomes more natural, appealing and downright necessary
• Prior to the extreme peaks of immense suffering the individual has no reason, sees no purpose, in needing a higher force to lean on, confide in, and believe in
• A strong relationship with a higher power improves responsibility and makes you accountable to something greater than yourself
• Without a sense of spirituality to embrace, there is no ultimate purpose to this life and the many struggles we face and overcome
• If Narcotics Anonymous didn’t include a priority to cultivate a personal spirituality, there would be no 12 step program, but rather 3 or 4 steps

Not all aspects of spirituality are internal, for many physical exercises exist for advancing one’s self. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, tai chi, prayer, fasting, etc. are amongst numerous physical/external activities which aim to assist one in the cultivation of a fuller spiritual sensitivity. Though by definition spirituality is centered on subjective internal experience, it is manifested and can be practiced both internally and externally. The presence of an internal spiritual relationship to a higher power becomes evident in external reality. The active engagement in nurturing and exercising one’s spirituality is a method by which one can initiate the transformation from struggling addict to recovery to sobriety.

I always had a belief in God, but I was always very skeptical of perceiving it all from any one particular perspective. I didn’t believe in some bearded man in the sky, casting lightning upon sinners and what-have-you. Reading and working through the twelve steps of the NA program gave me several important insights:

1) the fresh idea that I could engage a relationship with my higher power, or God, as I understood it to be

2) clarity in my ability to not only understand God, but recognize Him functioning in my life

3) believing and accepting that a higher power can help me

When I would investigate my feelings and ideas regarding all of creation, I stayed far away from things like religion. I always have and still view such institutions as mostly being corrupt and controlling overlords to the individuals attending and supporting such organizations. So I chose to conduct my relationship with God in private, through my own internal experience rather than become a member of a particular church or denomination. Through more and more research and intensive ‘soul searching’, I now further embrace my spirituality through the Biblical world view. Being a Christian does not require me to attend church, for my body is my temple of worship. My relationship to God the father and Jesus Christ, the son of God, is entirely based on my own interpretations of scripture and my personal faith. Not all people find their higher power in this way, for one amazing feature of human beings is our uniqueness and creativity. But to stay away from turning this essay into an evangelistic opportunity, I will stay the course and explain why spirituality- as we have come to understand it– is paramount in achieving a sober, sustainable, and satisfactory lifestyle.

To overcome addiction, we must heal. We must root out the weeds that have overgrown our garden. We must tap into that internal spring of everlasting strength and conviction that empowers us in times of need. Each and every person who has suffered or struggled, physically or mentally, knows the value of helping somebody still going through such experiences. Through a direct investment in cultivating your personal spirituality, you can connect to the larger reality, that all-inclusive network of interaction that pervades all of creation wholly throughout via consciousness. Increasing awareness increases sensitivity, which increases strength, which strengthens our ability to successfully transform from drug addicted burdens on society to some of the most valuable and beneficial up lifters to society. There is no need for anyone else to suffer what we have already been through! Improving our abilities to empathize, sympathize, and exercise compassion for oneself and others is an excellent way to work on your spirituality. Through realizing that we are all one, when one suffers, we all suffer. When one succeeds, we all succeed. Our collective experience and wisdom is the gift we have to offer to anybody willing to receive it! My spirituality has galvanized my mental disposition into a positive mindset to interact with the world around me in a way that improves my chances of sustaining and maintaining my abstinence from heroin and the abuse of other drugs. Cravings and other challenges to one’s recovery are nonexistent when there is literally no room for them!

The strongest foundation for successful recovery from opiate addiction is a strong spirituality to guide one through the chaos of hard times, difficult experiences, and trials by fire that test our integrity and belief in ourselves. Don’t think you can do it, know you can do it, for there are many before you who have done it, and hopefully we can help those after us do it.

Believe in yourself and have no apologies. Life has had plenty of time in the driver’s seat and had its fun beating us into submission. But life’s joyride through Hell is over, for no longer does dope have us sedated and blind. We are aware and awake and alive, and now it’s our turn to take the wheel.